Friday, October 29th, 1999 - 2:00 AM - Tisdale Apartments - Jax, Dana & Mike
"Amen. No heroes, all glory." Dana grinned. "No one go quietly into any night."
She opened up the case, uncoiling the cord from the clippers. They'd been cleaned and oiled when they were put away so there was no need to do it again. Dana sought out the top socket which might have gotten friendly with a toaster or a coffee maker if anyone in the house ate food.
"Honestly I'm not one for rules but I could hit em as well if I threw the gun at em rather than shoot it," Dana flicked the switch letting the clippers buzz a little and then shutting it off again. The socket worked.
"It just seems like this is going to be intense. Like how many of these guys we gotta kill before they leave us alone? Thats what I want to know. Number wise what we looking at. The that whole shit with Xiao. A spy. Like how much has she told them. How fucked are we going to be? Sorry been in my head all night." Mikey said as he finished snipping the last of the long locks and pointed to Dana. "Your boys all yours bud."
"He's your boy too," Dana tossed back automatically, coming closer to see what she was working with. Best to start at the back and work from there.
"More than a baker's dozen I'd wager. Sure is three shades of fucked up. You want me to shave your head too? Catharsis?" she offered buzzing the clippers at Mike.
"I'm everybody's boy," Jax said encouragingly. "Actually, wait. No. That sounds... Ah, you know what I mean. Anyway, yeah, probably a small army. Maybe a big army. So y'know, almost a fair fight for them."
He smiled to himself, but inside anxiety sparked like flint against his heart. Not everyone would come out alive. "See, this is why I come to this salon. Two for one? The savings!"
Mikey snorted as he softly laughed. "Least you got most of yours. Mines starting to fall out. I tell ya before all this I could walk into a club and come home with any guy I wanted in my 20's I mean Im 30 now and before this I still did alright. But yeah. It is hard. No one would go with me anywhere willingly. Plus this not having a working dick... So this is what it feels like to be impotent... I miss jacking off and fucking. But man on the plus side. Whatever Donna gave us tonight was amazing...That was some good shit."
"Alas the curse of the dead... Unless - Can you nut if someone bites you? Or is that a mortals only ride?" Dana mused to the room at large.
"Do you know this?" she asked tipping Jax's head back like he might potentially know the secrets of this. "Cause I mean - I've had a few cream their jeans when I've fed but honestly I haven't ever put two and two together to get four."
"Nah apparently if you're a dude and you get the bite... All male vamp dicks just kinda die. No circulation due to no beating heart. If you ever figure out how to fix that. Let me know cause I tell ya A good wank would be ace!" Mikey said as he plunked down on the couch still holding the scissors as he began to play mumbly peg with his hand on the coffee table.
Jax knew better than to show the deep creeping embarrassment he felt over the personal turn in the conversation. Sex he could deal with. His own sex life, he could not. Trying to connect with Mikey's experience in particular felt damning. But he didn't show it as Dana puppeted his head back. Instead, he fluttered his eyes demurely. "Who, me?"
"Two plus two feels pretty advanced, I can't even get one plus one. Mostly, I've been multiplying by zero with pretty consistent results."
Jax laughed amicably at Mike's closing comment, trying to watch his game without moving too much lest Dana began buzzing his head unexpectedly. The last thing he needed was to lose an ear.
"I guess I stopped thinking about all this shit an age ago," Dana confessed. She thought about Jameson, and then she didn't because there were things that could steel you for battle and things that could rust you out. "I will keep an eye out for vampiric viagara, though in the mean time - we buzz heads."
She straightened Jax's head out again and started up the buzzer. The loud whining of the motor a familiar song as she started from the base of his neck and moved upwards. It reaped away the short jagged hair that was left behind and left the velvet concept of a hairline behind.
"Yeah, I promise if we find the ancient Egyptian secrets of dickromancy, you'll be the first to know." He said with a smile. Jax was thankful for the diversion. He didn't want to think about the sex he had or hadn't had since turning. He didn't want to think about the man he would've done it with, the man he spent years on the road with no less intimate for the lack of it. It weighed him down terribly.
The first line of partially shorn hair off his head was a sigh of relief, the hot buzz a little line of electricity in his dead bloodstream. Soon, he'd be alive...
"If it was long enough you could make some good money cutting that shit off and selling it every night. I bet ya Red or Waylon would make a mint." Mikey said as he picked up the pace with the scissors.
He stabbed a finger but kept going. "Fuck man. It is weird how it doesnt hurt the same way it would. Being dead I guess has some advantages..."
"Don't cut anything off that might not grow back tomorrow," Dana warned over the din of the clippers. She worked her way up towards the crown. She'd leave the ears for last as they took a second of precision. Everything else was just going over in broad strokes until it was even, dumping midnight coloured hair into the kitchen sink when she remembered, letting it fall onto the floor when she didn't.
"That's," Jax thought about it, "actually kinda brilliant? Just shore me like a sheep and sell my wares. We could fundraise for our anti-Sabbat campaigns and give hair to the hairless. Oh man, Mikey, you ever want a Jax Habit original, you let me know. One of them toreadors gotta know how to weave a weave."
Jax flinched as the scissor pressed into Mikey's flesh, but he smiled wider as it did, idly pushing his thumb against his bottom lip, the nail sinking into the space between his teeth. Mike was actually good at this. The activity brought him back to days of couchsurfing, of spending weeks at friends and acquaintances and fans' places getting wasted and wasting time. His body was museum of ancient hieroglyphs etched in decades old scars and knicks and burns, perfectly preserved for all time.
"Oh, I have all my fingers," Jax singsonged fondly to start, encouraging Mikey.
"Yeah as a teenager before I came out of the closet I did all sorts of stupid macho bullshit to prove how much of a man's man I was. Kinda gave it up when I hit 22 and realized I was as queer as a three dollar bill. Heh. Yeah I don't know it passes time. All I've had since I died was time. Though its nice when Dougie takes me out some nights or the rest of you lot. Disadvantages to falling out of the vampiric ugly tree and hitting every branch on the way down only to fall in a bonfire and then having to beat the fire out using a brick." Mikey said wistfully.
"Mm I'm a vision of fucking temperance so I don't know what that's like," Dana mused sarcastically out of the corner of her mouth folding down one of Jax's ears. Even though it was said sort of quietly it still had to be half shouted over the rattling buzzer, but she was nearly through. After all that precutting it wouldn't take long to finish it off.
"Maybe you'll get to keep the motorcycle helmet and we can take you out more."
"You know it could be a smart idea. The boss lady came up with a good costume I will give her that. I actually like daft punk." He said as he kept the game up not clipping any fingers.
"Fuck, I just do stupid shit cause its fun," Jax said with a grin, but he was glad the haircutting gave him an excuse to stare deeply into middle distance. Closet who? Macho bullshit when?
His curled ear and the rattling of the motor made it difficult to hear. "Wait, wait, like punk beer? What the fuck is draft punk? We have a draft now?"
Dana had no idea but she also only had one more ear to do. Folding it over she cleaned up the space around it and dusted his neck free of some of the hairs that collected there. She flicked off the buzzer and blew into the blade to begin to clear that as well.
"Well if you're being drafted you certainly look the part, regular maggot you are."
"Mmm army boy chique get you some fatigues and yum... You will have the boys and ghouls at your beck and call you will have to beat them off with a stick. Shit Dana you are pretty fast with a set of shears. Wonder how long it would take you to shear a sheep?" Mikey said giving an appreciative nod as he stopped stabbing away with his scissors.
Mikey sighed. "Daft punk my good boy-o is a new dance music group. The were helmets and dress in suits. I was shocked Donna even knew who they were. Bitch had her fingers on the pulse of pop culture and all things new it would seem."
Jax grinned at being called maggot, smoothed his hand against the pilling swathe of velvet his head had become. Shorn, uneven hairs clung to his hand, his face, tumbling away from where he sprung them loose. He felt kind of giddy.
Then Mikey hit a raw spot in him like a foot through a gong. The reverberation of the blow echoed in the dust-ladden ventricles of his once-beating heart. At first, Jax tried to swallow it. He commented on the neutral topic. "Damn, that's kinda slick. I'll have t'check 'em out."
Then the reverberation hit his throat, swelled it, and he couldn't hold back at least a question. "Hey, Mikey. What makes you say 'boys and ghouls' exactly?" The words felt as awful as the initial blow and he wished he could swallow them back down. It wasn't that they were bad - he was actually being very civil. It was the fact that they were dishonest. Speaking felt anaphylactic. "Like its a good pun, credit where its due and all that. I'm just like... curious if there's like a reason for it. Like is it a gay thing or?"
Mike nodded as he twirled the scissors in his hand not looking at Jax. "Yeah I guess you can say its gay." he said carefully. "I wont go all homo on you dont worry but like isn't punk all about you being true to who you are and not giving a fuck? So before being embraced yeah I was a fag, a homo, gay, queer whatever you want to call it now I guess im a Nomo... As in too ugly and no more sex for this dude since the pecker is broken. You like what you like though you know what I mean? Ladies just have so many bumps and round bits things that are kinda more reminiscent of like the shape of a nice car or a musical instrument. Too soft, too round, and too small and fragile looking. Not my thing if that makes sense. But like look don't be all well I'll catch the gay or anything. Just cause you're a dude doesnt mean a gay guys gonna wanna take a round out of you. Its like Ice Cream flavors you aren't gonna be for everyone plus I mean you just say no thanks I don't like dudes and as long as the guys not a asshole they go cool thanks and leave you be."
Relief was a wet towel on an acid bath - not enough, but... something. Guilt ate through any true comfort it might've brought him. Mikey was right. Punk was about being true to oneself. Too bad this was the one thing about himself he could never accept.
"Oh, yeah, no, that's," Every word that wasn't a confession burned like bile. He breathed a laugh instead, "Like you said, you like what you like. Sorry, man, I was just. Uh. Wrapping my head around it, I guess. But like, you're cool, I'm not worried. I just. Yeah." As he spoke, he ran his hand back and forth over the rough-and-smooth surface of his head, the prickle-soft sensation of it against his hand soothing him a little. Something to keep him grounded. He hadn't looked at Mikey either since he finished speaking. It didn't feel right to lie to his face.
As if it wasn't killing him to lie at all...
"It is okay buddy." Mikey said not making eye contact one too many time he had opened up only to have someone lash out and suddenly aware he wasn't 'normal' "I mean if you are curious have question or just like want to know what we kinda do and stuff I don't mind educating. The worlds a hateful place sometimes and its not safe. I've had friends bashed. Clothes torn from them, bottles thrown, drinks tossed at them, shot with paintball guns. I mean if it was a choice why the hell would you want that? In highschool man I tired I tossed myself into the pussy pit. Fucked chicks but always in my head it felt wrong but yeah. It wasn't until I moved out and kinda was like okay you got to face the facts man you are what you are. It was horrible to live the lie. My parents haven't talked to much since I came out. Lost a lot of friends but found some nice people in the scene here in Hamilton. But even that's been taken away since well..." He tapped his face with the scissors. "This... all of this...." He softly growled feeling the anger gnawing at his guts.
Shame filled the holes opened by his lies and the ravenous, malignant guilt that came with them. He knew what happened to queers where he was from. Even New York hadn't been so different, though there'd been a veritable haven for that community there in the heart of it. Still, drag queens were arrested and beaten with impunity, ignored by cops or flat out killed and raped by them. Girls who hadn't started that way, who would hold back nothing in the pursuit of making themselves "whole", disappeared, never to be seen or heard from again. Fags got bashed, dykes got "fixed", and every other nail that stuck out got hammered down one way or another. Even after New York. A plague... preventable, wholly treatable, but allowed to run rampant by a body sworn to protect its people because those suffering lacked "moral character"...
Jax didn't tolerate it on principle, but he'd never spoken up as loud as he could, never screeched a battle-cry to the heavens specifically for them - for the people like him who lived out loud and died for it. He pretended to be a weak ally to a cause that would have otherwise been close to his heart. What he really felt he was was a coward... Jax Habit, sworn to a personal code of authenticity, to living audaciously in the face of society and its crap values, and at the end of the day, he couldn't even be true to himself. Somehow, it felt worse to lie to Mikey. His was the face of a people rejected. The ultimate rebel... In a way, Mikey was everything Jax wished he could be.
He knew better to say that, knowing how he felt about his battle scars. But he couldn't help thinking it.
Jax dared a look vaguely in Mike's direction. "We'll get 'em for that," He promised, somber for once. "Listen, I don't got any questions, but. Even if I do, you don't owe me any answers. I don't, uh. I haven't been through that for that, but. Yeah, I dunno. Before blowing up... like, musically... I dunno, being homeless like... When you're a kid and you choose it, its okay, I guess, but. Even though its different... You see some shit. People don't treat you right, and all you got is your friends. The ones that don't try to fuck you over. And living in New York in the day... the punk scene, the part of it I rolled with, I guess there was some overlap with like, you know, all that. I dunno. I guess I... can only imagine." He swallowed. It felt cheap, too little, tacked on, but he had to say it: "... Sorry."
"You ain't done me wrong Jax its cool. Like its just what it is ya know? I mean most people I still tell em I am bi because its just more acceptable I guess but yeah enough of that shit. Your head looks good mate. Dana did a bang up job. Shame it won't stay like that but maybe before you drive out to see Donna tomorrow to drop off our war packs later tonight when the sun sets again we can figure out how we can shave your melon all quick and easy, Maybe you can do each other or something." Mike said offering the punker a toothy smile choosing to look at him finally. The danger had passed no explosive temper or firsts came flying at him. The Brujah clan was his new family now even if he wasn't one of them they were hard and rough around the edges but real.
Dana had been attending the clippers and listening to the edges of the conversation. She rarely cared about whether or not some topic was her place to chime in on but Mike was the voice in the room that needed to be heard in that moment.
Dana had come from a very small town, a small town that barely tolerated the fact she worked and lived alone, that she took more of an interest in fights and push ups than sewing and husband catching. Some of them would laugh and call her a modern woman, a lot of them would accuse her of worse things behind her back. Or what seemed to be worse things.
When Jameson came into her life and then helped her create her un-life with him he taught her how to ride a motorcycle. In doing that he gave her the key to a world of misfits, to all the people, kindred and not, Dana never knew she was apart of because she'd never met them. The criminals in their colours and the oddballs who believed in aliens and the gay motorcycle clubs - the world was so much bigger than her small town. Maybe that's why she'd always been angry. Maybe the fact that the people on the edges of that big wide world were her far flung tribe and the way they were treated would keep her angry.
Dana took apart the clippers to clean them, getting the jagged pieces of hair free from the places they would hide. They were a relic from that time, a relic of Jameson. She wouldn't always have time to clean them out perfectly, so she took advantage of the time they did have. The time they had in the tiny Tisdale Apartment together.
She could remember too well what it was like to run out of time far quicker than forever had promised.
"Yeah I'd go for that," Dana smiled as she closed the case. "If you're sleeping over I'll do you quick 'n dirty at sundown. I was gonna do me but I'd let you fuck me up anytime, maggot."
"And he's got one thing right Mikey," she added. "We'll burn that whole city down for what they did to you if we have to. You'll get yours."
A Sonovaditch, Grimoire & LadyJallyn Co-Post Production - Part 2/2