The Elmwood
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: The True Ginger Ninja on
-
I don't need to spell it out, but I can so I will.
#1 They don't even have fangs! What the fuck!?
#2 They bloody sparkle. *Shing* Lame.
#3 There is no sucking. It's venom. They bite you and you get a vamp std. Delightful.
#4 The werewolves are cooler than the vampires. This should never be.
And finally,
#5 This passage right here;
(This is from Breaking Dawn. This passage is in Jacob's words, as the books change the point of view from time to time. Midnight Sun was supposed to be the first book repeated in Edward's view, but a partial draft was leaked on the interwebs so she stopped writing it. Also lame.)
'Edward and I both got out of the way while Rosalie came to lift Bella from the couch
and take her to the bathroom.
“Can I walk?” Bella asked. “My legs are so stiff.”
“Are you sure?” Edward asked.
“Rose’ll catch me if I trip over my feet. Which could happen pretty easily, since I can’t
see them.”
Rosalie set Bella carefully on her feet, keeping her hands right at Bella’s shoulders.
Bella stretched her arms out in front of her, wincing a little.
“That feels good,” she sighed. “Ugh, but I’m huge.”
She really was. Her stomach was its own continent.
“One more day,” she said, and patted her stomach.
I couldn’t help the pain that shot through me in a sudden, stabbing burst, but I tried to
keep it off my face. I could hide it for one more day, right?
“All righty, then. Whoops—oh, no!”
The cup Bella had left on the sofa tumbled to one side, the dark red blood spilling out
onto the pale fabric.
Automatically, though three other hands beat her there, Bella bent over, reaching out to
catch it.
There was the strangest, muffled ripping sound from the center of her body.
“Oh!” she gasped.
And then she went totally limp, slumping toward the floor. Rosalie caught her in the
same instant, before she could fall. Edward was there, too, hands out, the mess on the
sofa forgotten.
“Bella?” he asked, and then his eyes unfocused, and panic shot across his features.
A half second later, Bella screamed.
It was not just a scream, it was a blood-curdling shriek of agony. The horrifying sound
cut off with a gurgle, and her eyes rolled back into her head. Her body twitched, arched
in Rosalie’s arms, and then Bella vomited a fountain of blood.
18. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THIS.
Bella’s body, streaming with red, started to twitch, jerking around in Rosalie’s arms like
she was being electrocuted. All the while, her face was blank—unconscious. It was the
wild thrashing from inside the center of her body that moved her. As she convulsed,
sharp snaps and cracks kept time with the spasms.
Rosalie and Edward were frozen for the shortest half second, and then they broke.
Rosalie whipped Bella’s body into her arms, and, shouting so fast it was hard to separate
the individual words, she and Edward shot up the staircase to the second floor.
I sprinted after them.
“Morphine!” Edward yelled at Rosalie.
“Alice—get Carlisle on the phone!” Rosalie screeched.
The room I followed them to looked like an emergency ward set up in the middle of a
library. The lights were brilliant and white. Bella was on a table under the glare, skin
ghostly in the spotlight. Her body flopped, a fish on the sand. Rosalie pinned Bella
down, yanking and ripping her clothes out of the way, while Edward stabbed a syringe
into her arm.
How many times had I imagined her naked? Now I couldn’t look. I was afraid to have
these memories in my head.
“What’s happening, Edward?”
“He’s suffocating!”
“The placenta must have detached!”
Somewhere in this, Bella came around. She responded to their words with a shriek that
clawed at my eardrums.
“Get him OUT!” she screamed. “He can’t BREATHE! Do it NOW!”
I saw the red spots pop out when her scream broke the blood vessels in her eyes.
“The morphine—,” Edward growled.
“NO! NOW—!” Another gush of blood choked off what she was shrieking. He held her
head up, desperately trying to clear her mouth so that she could breathe again.
Alice darted into the room and clipped a little blue earpiece under Rosalie’s hair. Then
Alice backed away, her gold eyes wide and burning, while Rosalie hissed frantically
into the phone.
In the bright light, Bella’s skin seemed more purple and black than it was white. Deep
red was seeping beneath the skin over the huge, shuddering bulge of her stomach.
Rosalie’s hand came up with a scalpel.
“Let the morphine spread!” Edward shouted at her.
“There’s no time,” Rosalie hissed. “He’s dying!”
Her hand came down on Bella’s stomach, and vivid red spouted out from where she
pierced the skin. It was like a bucket being turned over, a faucet twisted to full. Bella
jerked, but didn’t scream. She was still choking.
And then Rosalie lost her focus. I saw the expression on her face shift, saw her lips pull
back from her teeth and her black eyes glint with thirst.
“No, Rose!” Edward roared, but his hands were trapped, trying to prop Bella upright so
she could breathe.
I launched myself at Rosalie, jumping across the table without bothering to phase. As I
hit her stone body, knocking her toward the door, I felt the scalpel in her hand stab deep
into my left arm. My right palm smashed against her face, locking her jaw and blocking
her airways.
I used my grip on Rosalie’s face to swing her body out so that I could land a solid kick
in her gut; it was like kicking concrete. She flew into the door frame, buckling one side
of it. The little speaker in her ear crackled into pieces. Then Alice was there, yanking
her by the throat to get her into the hall.
And I had to give it to Blondie—she didn’t put up an ounce of fight. She wanted us to
win. She let me trash her like that, to save Bella. Well, to save the thing.
I ripped the blade out of my arm.
“Alice, get her out of here!” Edward shouted. “Take her to Jasper and keep her there!
Jacob, I need you!”
I didn’t watch Alice finish the job. I wheeled back to the operating table, where Bella
was turning blue, her eyes wide and staring.
“CPR?” Edward growled at me, fast and demanding.
“Yes!”
I judged his face swiftly, looking for any sign that he was going to react like Rosalie.
There was nothing but single-minded ferocity.
“Get her breathing! I’ve got to get him out before—”
Another shattering crack inside her body, the loudest yet, so loud that we both froze in
shock waiting for her answering shriek. Nothing. Her legs, which had been curled up in
agony, now went limp, sprawling out in an unnatural way.
“Her spine,” he choked in horror.
“Get it out of her!” I snarled, flinging the scalpel at him. “She won’t feel anything
now!”
And then I bent over her head. Her mouth looked clear, so I pressed mine to hers and
blew a lungful of air into it. I felt her twitching body expand, so there was nothing
blocking her throat.
Her lips tasted like blood.
I could hear her heart, thumping unevenly. Keep it going, I thought fiercely at her,
blowing another gust of air into her body. You promised. Keep your heart beating.
I heard the soft, wet sound of the scalpel across her stomach. More blood dripping to the
floor.
The next sound jolted through me, unexpected, terrifying. Like metal being shredded
apart. The sound brought back the fight in the clearing so many months ago, the tearing
sound of the newborns being ripped apart. I glanced over to see Edward’s face pressed
against the bulge. Vampire teeth—a surefire way to cut through vampire skin.
I shuddered as I blew more air into Bella.
She coughed back at me, her eyes blinking, rolling blindly.
“You stay with me now, Bella!” I yelled at her. “Do you hear me? Stay! You’re not
leaving me. Keep your heart beating!”
Her eyes wheeled, looking for me, or him, but seeing nothing.
I stared into them anyway, keeping my gaze locked there.
And then her body was suddenly still under my hands, though her breathing picked up
roughly and her heart continued to thud. I realized the stillness meant that it was over.
The internal beating was over. It must be out of her.
It was.'
In conclusion...
He bit it out of her hoohaw!
-
Words cannot express how dumbfounded I am. I have honestly never read the books, but shit yo!
Seriously everyone on this site writes better than that! WTF? And SHE got published?! I just dont get it Seriously!
-
You can add 40 billion more just from the pregnancy alone : / and that passage!
Ugh, that book causes me physical pain. Damn mormons never let them touch anything remotely cool they get their cooties all over it. Oh well, 15 years from now, we'll publish the Bloodline Chronicles : p and become super rich.
The thing about Twilight is I vaguely wish I liked it, because with Harry Potter, I was on the other side of the blissfully ignorant fandom unaware to how much the rest of the world wants to punch us in the throat...But having to watch a bunch of tardmos enjoy this drivel causes me to have a daily aneurysm. It's just not healthy.
-
She writes with such passion, such flair....
Okay so I'm substituting 'such' for 'absolutely no sign of any kind of' because it's shorter.
-
lol i dont think we have any fans of twilight on this site. Thanks gawd.
-
I believe Krystal is a fan...
-
Oh noes.... say it isnt so
-
Haha
-
Ive read them, and can enjoy them for the story because up until the last book the story itself is good...if I try to think while reading them however
The writing is terrible though
-Random post from the ghost of the murdered by finals Cody
-
good to see you are still alive cody!
-
5 more reasons why twilight sucks...
1. (http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CoolMoo/Birthcontrol-1.jpg)
Yes, that is BIRTHCONTROL that is TWILIGHT themed, because if you learned anything from twilight it's that the only time Edward is not hot is when he's biting her demon child out of her hoo-haw and since Edward is OBVIOUSLY a real and reasonable ideal we all want to prolong our time before we have to go through THAT ordeal.
2. (http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CoolMoo/img-thing.jpg)
For those nights where "I have a head ache" just isn't working. Hand him THAT one. Warning: May end a relationship prematurely. On the plus, nothing else will be premature that evening.
3. (http://images.moviefill.com/77a03e16178e4ec4_8a6df1ae4d4f3238_o.jpg)
Because when you're not knocked up with demon spawn you should OBVIOUSLY make a felt version of your favourite shell of character's womb. Yay! This is not the least bit creepy!
4. (http://www.toplessrobot.com/500x_vampirefleshlight1-1.jpg)
Oh yes, this IS a vampire mouth vag in a can. For those few Male Twilight fans who's hands are apparently not returning their calls. So now you can shove your dick into the cushy version of a mouth laden with razor sharp teeth. Nothin gets the blood flowing quite like a vampire BJ...
5. (http://www.blogcdn.com/www.comicsalliance.com/media/2009/10/twilightdildoca.jpg)
http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=VAMP (http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=VAMP)
Though I'm sure it's fine to put up a vamp mouth shaped sexual apparatus I don't know how okay the site would be with a vampire phallus. Yeah. You heard me, they make twilight inspired DILDOS. Marketed on their sparkling and their ability to "retain cold temperatures". Yes. That's right. An originally marketed CHILDREN'S BOOK has brought about the product demand for CORPSE DONGS. Which means, they are training amateur necrophiles, the future women of this world will be coyly asking if they can just "Rub a little ice on it". So when you're sitting there, current teenage boys of this world, up to your family jewels in frozen peas, you can thank Stephanie Meyer when she screams out "Edward".
-
Grim I cannot express the words of love I have for you and the random stuff you contribute to this site. Hugz
-
Jesus fucking christ christ on a crutch, ITS JUST A FUCKING MIND_CANDY NOVEL AND AN EVEN SHITTIER MOVIE PEOPLE!!!
These fanboys are making trekkies look like mainstream normal.
Thank you Grim, I feel as if someone has soiled in my mouth.
-
Skeetfighter.com Gimme the choclate!
Yar! :angel4:
-
Oh hell, I forgot how funny that was
-
xD just spreadin the love
-
That kind of love don't need spreading.......
-
Out of curiousity, are we supposed to call biting the baby out of a chick a 'V-section'?
-
Your puns make me die on the inside bri...
-
LOL die inside!
-
just thought id post this to help the cause :o
(http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/3896/edwardastalker3kfg763g6.jpg) (http://img43.imageshack.us/i/edwardastalker3kfg763g6.jpg/)
-
Yeah..... eyes bugging out like that is a sign of undying love.
-
LOLS so cute but so true.
-
I'd like to point out that he bit open her stomache... not her vag.... Rose cut open the stomache, but the blood pushed her over the edge. It was said earlier in the book that they couldn't do an ultrasound on the baby, because inside the uterus the baby's amniotic sack was made of a substance like thier skin, which is what they were explaining when they talked about the tearing metal sound... he was using his teeth to tear into the uterus through the cut in her stomache. In a sence, doing a C-section...
oh, and yes, I am a fan.
-
Still gross. Still bit it out of her. Eww lol
And I highly recco the movie Vampires Suck. its fucking epic.
-
I am going to point out that the uterus is part of the hoohaw So he did bite it out of her hoohaw!!!
I have tried because my grand daughter has begged me to try and read this drivel and could not get past the first chapter..I do not think I made it through the first 4 pages because it was so poorly written.
Oh well that is as it is I agree LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLame!!!! extremely so!
Oh thank you for my laugh of the day.
-
Seriously, my one sentence Fia posts are more thoughtfully constructed than all of the books.
-
Okay, so the amniotic sac is made of the same stuff as their skin, which is why they can't use ultrasound. Excuse me? Doesn't that mean THEIR SKIN would have already stopped the ultrasonics?
Don't you love plot holes?
-
No, Bella is still Human when she's preggers. Cause she CAN'T get pregnant while a vampire, that's JUST SILLY! HAH! Cause then her insides would be all shrivelled and useless! Like Edwards!....Hey...Wait a minute...
:angel4:
-
Female vamps can't have children, because they lack the ability for their body to change as would be needed to concieve and carry a child. But just like in the Anita Blake series, where a male vamp can impregnate a human woman, male vamps in this series can as well. Just no one knew it, because it is such a rare thing....
-
I was unfortunate enough to be working at a bookstore for the release of the final book fo this series. I have read all the books, just for the sake of knowing the f*ck the teenage freakages were squeeing over in my store. My opinion is very similar to that stupid Eragon book. I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY PUBLISHED THIS CRAP. If you weed out the pages upon pages of teenage "oh my god he is sooooooo perfect and hoooot!!" Then you would have a pseudo-decent short novel that would only be good for bathroom reading. For the record no I did not go see any of the movies... I believe my brain would explode if exposed to that much teenage fangirl high pitch skreeching. Seriously. The US should record that sound and play it on the battlefield. The war would be over in minutes.
And BTW ....
Vampires don't f*cking sparkle.
Seriously. Thats whats keeping them from taking over the world? Pussies.
-
It's just bad for my blood pressure to talk about Twilight, but seriously, I would not be so angered by it if Stephanie Meyer had any kind of integrity. It was SUPPOSED to be a trilogy (a shitty trilogy written form the POV of a depth-less character anyone can step into the shoes of) but then there's a fourth book...From everyone's perspective...Hm do I smell a cash grab?
Also she completely neglects perfectly viable and interesting characters. And cops out entirely when it comes to Jacob (the only Character who made Bella remotely interesting) "Oh he didn't love BELLA, no no that would be tragic, because she's busy in an emotionally abusive relationship...He loved...Um...HE LOVED ONE OF HER OVUMS!"
"Excuse me, what?"
"Yeah shifters imprint on their mate, but he didn't imprint on BELLA no no he imprinted on one of her eggs"
"...Fucking convenient it was THAT egg that got fertilized huh?"
"Oh yep."
"And that she didn't rag it out in the mean time..."
"...Yes that too."
"And that Edward gave it an extra x instead of a y..."
"..."
Still a reasonable writer of great reason and awesomeness? Read this:
http://www.cracked.com/funny-1807-stephenie-meyer/
Stephenie Meyer and Kanye West would have darling narcissist babies together. They are after all, both geniuses. And flawless, and their work is flawless.
-
Wow best read up ever on twat face. Gah what a horrible person to not be able to take criticism. Honestly it makes me sorta sad.
Now not to totally flame the poor woman to death i will point out that she like JK have made alot of teenagers umm girls get into reading instead of sitting on their asses and watching movies. So to this kudos. in her mind it is the most romantic love story ever. Yes the book has massive holes but she has very much tried to keep the idea of romance alive even if it did get weird.
-
I'm not a complete fan, but I have read the books. They work because they get into the mind of a teenage girl and before someone says that teenage girl's have more personality, I'm terribly sorry but they don't. As a teenager, I had image issues. I thought I was not pretty enough or good enough and this is the experience of a lot of women. Yeah she could be more... well more of a role model, ya know, more sensible or true to life but then the books would not have sold as well. I've read loads of teenage fiction where the main female character is strong willed, independent and so on, (all the things that people who don't read twilight want) and guess what, those books don't sell. Bella is a teenager, shallow, self centred, obsessed with looks and totally in the throes of that first crush that most people get but will end in reality. And despite what a lot of feminists say, women love romance. Hell I don't watch a lot of rom-coms but I do love romance.
Yes I hated the imprinting thing in Breaking Dawn, because it was such a cop-out to give everyone a happy ending.
Though having a go because she can't take criticism or open tons of emails full of negativity is a little OTT. Especially when that article starts with the line:
Unless you've been living under a rock for a year or two, chances are you've heard of Twilight and it's creator Stephenie Meyer. Thought in equal parts to be a whiny bitch with the mind of a 13 year old, and a god.
And then goes on to say:
Stephanie is a self-obsessed, narrsisistic, hypocritical and infantile woman.
Yeah… that’s not criticism of a book, that’s personal attacks, in an article whining about how she can’t take criticism. I had to laugh at them whining over her exultation about the publishers who rejected her. I’m currently writing a book, I expect to get a lot of rejections when I try to get it published. If the miracle happens and I do get it published and become hugely popular to boot, you can bet I’ll be thinking about contacting those publishers who rejected me and sending then copies of my new multi-million deal stapled to their letter. And anyone who thinks they wouldn’t think about that is lying through their teeth.
I know I ranted, but it hacks me off all these hate sites. It reminds me of the sites that sprang up around HP while it was being written. It’s stupid and infantile and 9 times out of 10 created by people who want to be ‘against the trend’. So you don’t like the book.. big sodding deal. Is it worth your time to waste air going on about S Meyer when you could be talking about someone you do like.
-
Engh nothing brings people together quite like rage. Sorry hun, it's the way the cookie crumbles
It's just unfortunate that all these teenage girls, with these body issues, not feeling good enough, and desperate to find "true love", cling to THIS series. Because she is such an anti-rolemodel it's unbearable. I understand that it's media and entertainment and such, and not EVERY girl is going to run out and become obsessive about their boyfriends and dissolve into a lifeless shell when they break up because those are the guidelines put down by New Moon, but some girls are going to come face to face with emotionally abusive relationships, and maybe they're not so ready to see the warning signs because it's still "romantic" how protective he is over her. I just don't like the idea that there are girls out there CRYING themselves to sleep at night because Edward is SO perfect. He's not a reasonable ideal at all...
I dunno. I guess it just hits a soft spot on that aspect.
-
To be honest, this isn't the first time vampire lore has been messed with. Remember the vampire EGGS in Van Helsing? This is really the most popular and wide-reaching plague ever to hit the right thinking man and fans of horror and common sense are suffering the most, followed by anyone who likes girls, followed by anyone who likes books. There's no happy medium with Twilight, there are people who LOVE the books, and there's people with self respect. Look! Mud slinging. Ke$ha is like the Stephanie Meyer of music. Talentless, horrible to look at and bad....just...bad, but she's popular and has stacks of herpes cash so she must be right and I must be wrong because that's how our world works. Twilight has won and based on the upcoming American remake of Let the Right One in AND the completely relationship based Half Blood Prince movie, the world has lost. So kudos Twilight you are.....the most popular.
-
So WE are the weakest link?
Damn......
-
But it's the bad relationships that make you appreciate the good one. I have never been in an abusive relationship, but I have been with a total wanker. Eg, he asked me to marry him and one week later decided that he didn't love me anymore. That completely tore me up and for about a fortnight I fell apart. Then after talking with my dad and realising that life didn't stop, I realised that he was a complete tosser and not right for me.
And yes teen girls may get into abusive relationships, but those girls still would.. regardless of what they read. And if they're lucky they'll learn from it. But sad to say.. women will still fall for jackasses regardless of whatever's on the shelves and that is a fact. You have more than one influence in your life unless you live in a cave.
And yeah you will get people who take it to extremes. And you get that in all walks of life, from elvis fans to footie nutcases to the occasional insane roleplayer, that's people and it'll always happen.
-
Yeah. Pretty much, as a species, we're fucked up......
-
As a side note i didnt know they were making a remake of let the right one in. That was a terrific movie that I really enjoyed.